I was never afraid of death until I became a mom… I often think about how I can never give my daughter the life she deserves. I’ve messed up everything in my life & am afraid I will do the same to her. I just want to die. I think about it alot, but at the same time I’m so scared to leave her. I just want to know that she will be ok and happy. It would be soo much easier if someone could just kill me. My daughter is the only good thing I’ve ever done and I just don’t want her to have the life I had. I want to die sooo bad, but I’m afraid of leaving her. She was born 3 1/2 months early and almost died. I’ve never told anyone but I think its my fault. If I had took care of myself better & not have stressed myself out so much she wouldn’t have gone through all she had to survive. I’ve ruined her life before she was even born.