Tellsecrets » Abuse

I’ll fly away.

Anonymous — Fri, 06 May 2011 19:28:00 +0000

So I’ve been in a shit mood for probably a week now and it just WON’T go away. Had a fight with my bf this morning and he left pissed off- and I don’t even care. I’ll never be able to trust him because of what he’s done. He was HORRIBLE. And even though he’s trying to be a better person, I can’t believe him. I just don’t. Because of all the shit he pulled before. He used to hurt me. He doesn’t now because he got arrested for assaulting his ex girlfriend and her new man. He could be telling the truth about being faithful but something tells me not to trust. Even if he was, I wouldn’t put it past him to try and pull off little shit just for sport because I’ve suspected for a long time that he has or ‘had’ borderline personality disorder. He’s a real good actor and a bit of an attention whore. I don’t think he would turn down female attention. On top of that, he gets to keep in touch with ex-girlfriends and flips out about my having male friends- whom I can no longer be around without his accompaniment. Yet, he can still have contact with his exes.

These men that are my friends are not even exes. That’s why I don’t trust him. He may love me- or it just may be his version of love as he is able to experience it- but I just don’t have an easy time believing him. He was so mean to me and so hurtful in our first two years together, I just can’t be at ease around him. And now I’m so messed up, I want out, I just feel drained of the will to make it happen. I pray to God. Get’s me nowhere and nothing. I think it’s depression and PTSD- because he was that destructive. My life is shit. My kids- our life was something else before he came into the picture. It was good. We were close. We lost our place in a natural disaster, came to stay with this guy because he was a friend and said he could help out and then he held us needing a place to stay over my head and as a bargaining chip. If I ‘didn’t do this’ or didn’t do that’ it was ‘get the fuck out of
my house’- and I honestly had nowhere to go. I live in a shit state in the middle of nowhere and there are no shelters just readily available. And what resources there are are reserved more for women with young children not women with teenage boys. Plus, you pretty much have to have your head bashed in before they take any interest in helping you. He was smarter than that. He would shove me around and bruise me up but it wasn’t until he went nuts on an ex girlfriend that the police got involved. But hey, he went through counseling and his temper is much better and he doesn’t hurt me or break my things anymore… but I can’t stop walking on eggshells. It scares me when he’s nice to me. It’s one of those things where I’m waiting for him to pounce because my guard is down. He used to do that. He was cruel like that. Or just when I would relax some chick he worked with would show up on the doorstep telling me that they were messing around. I had to get myself tested for STD’s. S
o now, I just never let my guard down around him. I just don’t. Too much trauma. And I pray to God for help, for strength for anything to help get me back on my feet. What a joke. I miss my kids and the close relationship we had. If I had the money (and a car), we three would just fly away. Away, away, away….

Scaring girls

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 00:52:01 +0000

So far there are three girls that are scared of me. I am not that strange but they avoid me at all cost. I deserve an award or something because I bet it is a record.

?

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 00:50:32 +0000

I really want to be raped tell me why

NO MORE FUCKING HEROiN

Anonymous — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 23:21:05 +0000

I’ve been clean off heroin for a couple months now,
but every day I think about it, the way it made me feel, and the the low lives I had the pleasure of meeting on my mission to buy it. I wasn’t just addicted to the drug I was addicted to the life style, walking around north Philly at 4:30 am, hearing gun shots watching as the drug dealers dragged out the junkie that just OD in their living room, just wondering if next time is that gonna be me. It didn’t make thing easier that i had a partner in crime, the girl who first introduced me to the drug making sure no one robbed her,raped her,or what ever else came across their sick minds. and it felt like i was addicted to her.going to meet up wit her dealer and giving me a bag like it was me award for going with her. will I use heroin again I don’t know, hopefully not.

I’d rather be a hooker than live with you, Erik!

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:30:55 +0000

Erik T. doesn’t get it. Living with him is much worse than being a hooker.

Erik is an abusive, violent petty tyrant- everything has to be his way- & he’s cheap! For some strange reason he thinks he’s God’s gift to women- he’s not- he’s an ugly OLD jerk! He lies about his age- says he’s 42 when he’s actually almost 50 years old.

Erik is lousy in bed- does the same old boring thing every time. The drugs & alcohol have taken their toll- not only on his face & scrawny, wasted body, but he can’t get it up.

Who wants to live with someone who hits them, tells them what to do, treats them like slave labor & doesn’t have any manners?

Yes, Erik T., I’d rather be a hooker than be stuck with you!

I was molested

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:57:51 +0000

I didn’t know what it was, i thought it was a game.
Till i found out what sex was..
and then i found out what rape was.
And i will never
EVER
Get over it
But the only person i have told, in my whole life.
And ive been here 16 years.

Was it molesting?

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:58:45 +0000

My brother didn’t exactly molest me… He took off his pants around me and paraded around with a long white thing. He put my hand to it. He touched my butt. He pinched my butt. He ran upstairs and got naked. He would hug me close. He would come in my room and refuse to leave. He also went through the stuff in my bathroom, and I am not sure why. Is that molesting me? IS THAT MOLESTING ME? Because I don’t know what to call it. I just say my brother molested me.

I thought originally that finally I had something that would make me have power over him: to hold this over his head if he tried to hurt me. I hoped he didn’t realize that nothing would happen to him if I told.

He’s my best friend, and I love him.

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 08:47:06 +0000

I told him I was interested a few months ago. We decided to “try
things”. We went on a few dates, I spent a few nights at his house. I fell
asleep in his arms and woke up in the same place. Actually, we’d both
wake up around the same time, separated from one another, but he’d
sleepily pull me close to him again so we could wake up together when his
alarm would go off. He kissed me in private, and he kissed me like he
meant it.

This lasted just a few weeks. Then, suddenly, he wanted to end things
(though I didn’t know initially). He stopped talking to me first, but
finally I wrestled the nasty truth out of him. I begged and pleaded
for him to make it work. He’s leaving in a year, and he’ll be gone for
five years when he does leave. By the time he returns, I’ll be
finishing up graduate school. I told him I was okay with him leaving for those
five years if he gave this one year an honest chance. His relationship
issues kept him from making the commitment. We haven’t talked in
almost three weeks.

I miss him. I say I don’t miss the relationship, and on one level I
don’t. On other levels, however, I can’t stop thinking about kissing
him, sleeping next to him, waking up with him, holding his hand…those
are all small prices to pay, however, if I can keep the friendship. I
don’t cry when I think about the loss of those things, but sob for
significant periods of time when I think about the friend I’m losing.

He says we’ll talk about it when I return from my vacation. I get back
in four days. I want to do this in person, I want to see his face
when we talk about whether or not it’s feasible to continue our
friendship. I want him to see my face when I start to cry if and when he says
that our friendship is over. Four years of my life cannot end like this.
I will not lose him.

A part of me still believes that we’re meant to be. He’s the only
person I can ever see wanting to marry.