I’m gay.My boyfriend is cheating on me.I cant let him go.I have no friends.I am depressed.I dont eat.I’m very thin.I wish somebody could help me.I wish somebody loved me.I wish the pain stopped.

Lately things have been really bad….My counseling appointment was canceled last week because my counselor was on vacation, I am a compulsive shopper and spent like $1000 in like 2 days, I’m a cutter, my b/f broke up with me, and another friend told me that he no longer wants to be my friend anymore.I have major issues.I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Avoidance Personality Disorder (which is a serve form of social phobia! ) I wish I had someone to talk to…My whole world seems to be crashing down on me….

I hate not being noticed. It makes me feel like I don’t exist. I’ve done a lot of insane things for attention. I spend a great deal of my time plotting ways to draw more attention to myself. I cut my hair into an extreme style; only a few people noticed. I am still trying to figure out ways to get people to notice me. But I really only do it because I don’t have any close relationships outside of my immediate family. I wish someone would care. I’ve always wanted a best friend, someone who I’m close to and who is close to me. I’ve never had one. I’m too socially impaired. A good analogy would be this: when you’re starving to death you’re willing to eat anything. When you’re starving for someone caring if you live or die, you get desperate for someone to give you some attention. I know I’m pathetic. I hate myself.

I told him I was interested a few months ago.  We decided to “try
things”.  We went on a few dates, I spent a few nights at his house.  I fell
asleep in his arms and woke up in the same place.  Actually, we’d both
wake up around the same time, separated from one another, but he’d
sleepily pull me close to him again so we could wake up together when his
alarm would go off.  He kissed me in private, and he kissed me like he
meant it. Read the rest of this entry »