when she talks to me i feel i feel like nothing else matters. i am seriously confused about my sexual orientation and how my future life will possibly change. i can easily picture myself waking up in the bed next to her 20 years from now. i lover her more than my current boyfriend. i dont want to be a lesbian. its scary. someone help. i know i cant reject these feelings, someone just help me deal with them.

P.S. the worst part is, i know we can never be together. :’(

The next year, both of our sophomore year, she came back with no glasses nor braces and she looked amazing, totally different. I had made my move on the first day of school on the bleachers, but what I mean was that I said “hi” for the first time. On the down low, I had dreamed about the exact scene of when I first talked to her, but thats just between you and me. Back to the story, over the next couple of days i started to annoy her and now that I look back at it, I was a little annoying, but I’m a guy son I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. She would catch on and transfered out of the class. I haven’t talked to her since. Now it’s almost the end of our junior year. Even though I try to get over her, she crosses my mind every once in a while. i still like her and I don’t think i”ll ever get over her.

This lasted just a few weeks.  Then, suddenly, he wanted to end things
(though I didn’t know initially).  He stopped talking to me first, but
finally I wrestled the nasty truth out of him.  I begged and pleaded
for him to make it work.  He’s leaving in a year, and he’ll be gone for
five years when he does leave.  By the time he returns, I’ll be
finishing up graduate school. I told him I was okay with him leaving for those
five years if he gave this one year an honest chance.  His relationship
issues kept him from making the commitment.  We haven’t talked in
almost three weeks.

I miss him.  I say I don’t miss the relationship, and on one level I
don’t.  On other levels, however, I can’t stop thinking about kissing
him, sleeping next to him, waking up with him, holding his hand…those
are all small prices to pay, however, if I can keep the friendship.  I
don’t cry when I think about the loss of those things, but sob for
significant periods of time when I think about the friend I’m losing.

He says we’ll talk about it when I return from my vacation.  I get back
in four days.  I want to do this in person, I want to see his face
when we talk about whether or not it’s feasible to continue our
friendship.  I want him to see my face when I start to cry if and when he says
that our friendship is over.  Four years of my life cannot end like this.
I will not lose him.

A part of me still believes that we’re meant to be.  He’s the only
person I can ever see wanting to marry.