I’ve been clean off heroin for a couple months now,
but every day I think about it, the way it made me feel, and the the low lives I had the pleasure of meeting on my mission to buy it. I wasn’t just addicted to the drug I was addicted to the life style, walking around north Philly at 4:30 am, hearing gun shots watching as the drug dealers dragged out the junkie that just OD in their living room, just wondering if next time is that gonna be me. It didn’t make thing easier that i had a partner in crime, the girl who first introduced me to the drug making sure no one robbed her,raped her,or what ever else came across their sick minds. and it felt like i was addicted to her.going to meet up wit her dealer and giving me a bag like it was me award for going with her. will I use heroin again I don’t know, hopefully not.

I hate not being noticed. It makes me feel like I don’t exist. I’ve done a lot of insane things for attention. I spend a great deal of my time plotting ways to draw more attention to myself. I cut my hair into an extreme style; only a few people noticed. I am still trying to figure out ways to get people to notice me. But I really only do it because I don’t have any close relationships outside of my immediate family. I wish someone would care. I’ve always wanted a best friend, someone who I’m close to and who is close to me. I’ve never had one. I’m too socially impaired. A good analogy would be this: when you’re starving to death you’re willing to eat anything. When you’re starving for someone caring if you live or die, you get desperate for someone to give you some attention. I know I’m pathetic. I hate myself.